9 Signs You're Way Too Pumped About Waterfowl Season

Man, I can't wait for duck and goose hunting. A few months from now, we'll be welcoming fall and witnessing the great annual migration.

Lately, though, I've witnessed signs that make me think some folks are a bit too excited for the upcoming season. Anticipation is great, but when waterfowl hunting invades every corner of your existence, it might be time to re-evaluate priorities. Let's look at some examples that might indicate you're overly pumped for duck and goose hunting.

1) Your retriever has fashioned a crude sign that says, Off-season. Do not disturb before 7 a.m. Don't ask me how an animal without opposable thumbs wrote that. Guessing she might have had human assistance.

2) Quacks, highballs and feeding chuckles have mysteriously replaced the yelping, cutting and purring that once emanated from the basement. Note: Reaction from significant others remains consistent.

3) Your suggestion of a fun day trip — dragging a skiff through a mosquito-laden mud hole to find the spot where those mallards were landing this past November — is met with a look usually reserved for mice or cockroaches.

4) While chaperoning your nephew's field trip to the zoo, you become lost in the waterfowl portion of the aviary. You are then required to sit with the principal during the bus ride home.

5) Summer's must-see viewing includes every video from Fowled Reality and Banded Nation's The Fowl Life.

6) Somehow, your wife's idea of a leisurely boat ride gets misconstrued, as you ready the jon boat and mud motor instead of the family pontoon.

7) You remain optimistic that friends and family will come to accept your new duck-band tattoo, which covers the entire circumference of your left ankle. (Don't they realize how bad that hurt?)

8) Views on the lawn differ. Some people have accused you of sloth and apathy because you let it grow into a weedy mess. You, however, insist that it's a prairie restoration effort designed to boost critical nesting habitat.

9) Three words: Max-5 underwear. Enough said.

Hey, no one can cast blame if you've exhibited any of these behavioral oddities. Duck and goose hunting grabs your heart and becomes a lifestyle rather than a hobby. Still, the rational part of your psyche really wants to solve the mystery of the dog's do-not-disturb sign.

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